Purging

It took some time, but I’m finally here.

I spent some time here and there over the past couple weeks finding and getting rid of items related to pregnancy.

The giant box of ovulation tests? Trash.

The giant boxes of pregnancy tests I had found on clearance and couldn’t pass up last spring? Garbage truck came and went with them.

Maternity clothes – some of which I never had the chance to wear? In a bag bound for donation.

Slowly, but surely, I’m here. Committed to my future of never carrying another pregnancy. Accepting my current status with gritted teeth. Hey, it’s a start, right?

I’m ready to continue onward toward a surrogate carrying for me. For us. No more delusion or misplaced hope.

Some moments are filled with blinding jealousy. Others with so much gratitude for science giving us this opportunity.

Here I am.. in a strange place of “hurry up, time, so we can live the rest of our lives” and “time needs to stop going by.”

Call me crazy, but I’m ready for what our future holds.

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