A Flicker of Hope

6 weeks, 4 days

Our first ultrasound was today, and to say I was a nervous wreck would be an understatement! My experiences with early ultrasounds up to this point were:

1. No heartbeat, and there’s really only a gestational sac that measures 2-3 weeks behind where it should be. I’m so sorry…

2. Heartbeat! (yay! Sweet relief from the silent ultrasound room!) But, baby is a week behind where it should be.. maybe you got your dates wrong?

Going into today, yes our second experience, the first ultrasound with Ava was happy, but it was tainted with foreshadowing of what would come. At the time, I talked myself into thinking maybe I got my ovulation date wrong, and it was somehow a whole week later. I talked myself into thinking it was fine, when it was really our first sign it wasn’t.

I didn’t know a truly wonderful first sonogram experience.

Today, I went into the doctor’s office by myself because the COVID protocol is still in effect. I checked in and was brought to the back where I sat by myself on the table. Thankfully, the doctor’s office not only is allowing video calls or recording during this time, but encouraging it. I started FaceTiming my husband.. or whatever it’s called on a non-Apple phone. We’ve never done FaceTime before, well, other than to practice in anticipation of this appointment! (Gah, I feel old admitting this! Lol)

The doctor came in, and I did my best to hold the phone in a way that my husband could hopefully see and hear what was going on. I blurted out how nervous I was, and we reviewed symptoms. And then finally we got down to business.

At first, all I could see was the sac, and I swear my heart stopped for a bit. Then she zoomed in and moved the wand around… and there it was.

The most beautiful little flicker.

She pointed out the heartbeat and then started measuring. She looked at my ovaries, and my right one must have been pretty impressive because she, in an almost astonished tone, said that had to be the one the egg came from. I assured her it most definitely did based on the intense ovulation pain I had! We laughed, and she went back to the heartbeat and turned up the sound.

142 strong beats per minute. Measuring spot on at 6w+5d.

Afterward I rushed outside to my husband’s pickup where he waited just in case the appointment didn’t go well. He obviously could have stayed at the office, but he drove all the way there just to sit in the parking lot in case I needed him. Goodness, I love him so!

We looked at pictures quickly and then parted ways to get back to work.

I ugly cried the whole way home.

We have a sticky bun!

Next up!

Next step to check off the list: start heparin shots! Just waiting on my Rx to be filled.

One thought on “A Flicker of Hope

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