Lost in Limbo

Patiently, ehm, okay… not so patiently… waiting for our rainbow…

Currently, I feel like I’m just constantly lost in limbo. Right now I’m in the two-ish week window between ovulation and cycle day 1 – AKA Limbo. I may be pregnant and not know it or I may not be and think with my whole heart that I am. Limbo. Then comes verdict day: the day I cave and take a pregnancy test rather than waiting one more day for my period. (Okay sometimes, ehm, always… it’s a few days before because I’m impatient!) The screen blinks while the rest of the world stands still. I plead with the universe to the beat of the blinking clock face icon: Please, please, please. Then… The verdict has been a heartdropping no the last 2 months. Inevitably, cycle day 1 comes along with all the inevitable feelings of failure, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and jealousy, and thus starts a new phase of limbo. Two-ish weeks of waiting for ovulation when I can only do my best to be healthy and hope I catch my ovulation day. All the while aware that if I get pregnant this cycle, these two weeks will be counted as part of my pregnancy. Ovulation day rolls around, and on to the next limbo yet again.

Sigh.

Lost in limbo. Pleading with the universe to the beat of my heart: please, please, please…

2 thoughts on “Lost in Limbo

  1. It’s so hard, this trying again after loss thing. You just want so desperately to be pregnant aging, like the universe owes you something for being so cruel. But then it’s still cruel to you as you try and get bfn’s. We just started trying again last month, and I’m also in the tww now and feeling like I’m out. I’m so sorry you’re here in this space. It sucks. You’re in my thoughts and I’m hoping for good news for you soon. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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