Dear Ava

I miss you so much. Today was your due date. Today was day 98 of waking up without you. We were supposed to be welcoming you into the world today. Perhaps you would have been early, Lord knows you are my child – you would have been on time or early, for sure. Today, though, we are planting a tree in your memory instead.

I wish this wasn’t reality. It’s a mistake. Really, what happened is November 16th, the universe split paths. We were sent into this path when we should have stayed in the other universe, the alternate universe where you are still with us. In this alternate universe, today I am exhausted from laboring all night. I’m holding you in my arms and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. My whole body aches, but my arms don’t because they have you to hold. Your dad is beaming with pride as he watches you wriggle. Sunlight streams in through the window as your grandparents, aunts, and uncles all come to meet you. Everyone says how beautiful you are and then makes a joke about how you are definitely your father’s little girl.

I am so sorry I couldn’t get you here safely. I wish more than anything in the world that I could have. I will carry you in my heart forever. I love you so much, sweet pea.


2 thoughts on “Dear Ava

  1. I’m sorry you have joined this club, it’s not one any of us join willingly. It’s not your fault that Ava couldn’t be born live & healthy. Keep remembering Ava and making new memories with her. Keep her close.


  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, oh this brought me to tears. I understand your pain as I myself have been through this terrible and painful experience. You are Ava’s mom and nothing will ever change that, you have all the reason to be proud.


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